Peety Peety Pintheth

At a loss for something new and intelligent on TV, I ended up watching VH1's Tool Academy.
Never mind that it rips off the Duochebag concept from DB1. The show is more painful to watch than Rock of Love 2. Yes, it's formulaic.
Whatever episode it was tonight, one of the contestants tonight went on a "romantic" "date" with his girlfriend. Carriage ride and all...
"I feel like a princess!" exclaimed the damsel
Bitch, grow up. And that goes for many twenty-something High School Diploma holders.
You are blue collar peons, not aristocracy. You will be nothing more than salt mine slaves and baby machines unless you go back to school - or beauty college - and make something of yourselves.
Git yo; se'f edumacated. Git yo' se'f a profession and a career. There's a nursing shortage in this country.
Like Barack said, it's time to leave behind childish things.

Afterbirth of a nation

I have been expecting to see a surge in this genre of entertainment: whitesploitation. I don't mean the gay porn type. I mean "White Chicks" with real white chicks, stereotypes on steroids, a minstrel show in negative.
It could happen...
Two wrongs make us even.

Groundbreaking

THIS JUST IN:
The desperate GOP, in a blatant attempt at pandering to the current social climate, just voted in Michael Steele as the RNC Chairman. How original and unforeseen...
I hear that gangs in Watts and Compton have convened an emergency summit to address their heretofore accepted color schemes.

Soci'lism

Does anybody think we're not there yet?
With all the clamor for caps on Wall Street salaries and regulation of TARP funds utilization coming from the capitol and main street, the red is spreading from the stripes on the flag. Ultimately, we will have to nationalize banks and much of our industry.
Never mind that the current financial bailout is just circulating figurative money between a number of domestic debtors and not going to generate external sources of revenue for the country. Patching up potholes in our roads will help all those Korean, Chinese and yet-unheard-of car brands we will be buying in the future last a bit longer. That will be helpful when we need to drive up to Canada for an MRI or an appendectomy.

peta Pho'

Some people just need to spend a year in an impoverished, war-ravaged country to get a balanced sense of reality.
The veggie munching zealots who brought you "sea kittens" want you to not eat tasty animals. And they think suggestive video of a waify vixen rubbing on carrots and pumpkins to the sound of corporate metal will make me abandon In-n-Out? This video does not instruct the viewer on the proper auto-erotic use of cucumbers, but it does look like our girl is making a soup in a rather large vessel of bubbling water. Don't they know lean meat is not good for soups?
That girl needs to eat a cheeseburger, a plate of chicken patties and eggs and some milk-tenderized veal.

Tittie tizzy

It's a symptom of America's child fetish when moms post breastfeeding pics on their facebook profiles under the pretense of education. How altruistic.
Breastfeeding is good for the baby and getting riled up about it on obscenity grounds is ridiculous. Insisting on indiscretely exposing your mammaries wherever and whenever Jr. needs sustenance verges on exhibitionism. (Does that make the said pics kiddie porn?).
What kind of mom is it that can't remember to keep her diaper bag stocked with a simple towel, an airplane-type blanket or a Hooter Hider? FSM forbid others begin to think you see your babe as an accessory which replaced the stupid Chihuahua you used to tote around in your bag before you were bought with a big chunk of crystallized carbon.

In other news, Barack Obama had a gratifying, medium-hard BM this morning. All of the first 100 morning BMs will be bronzed and enshrined for posterity at the Smithsonian.

Where they's smoke, they's fire...

irRev. Ted Haggard appears to NOT have been doing background research on homosexuality or playing Mother Teresa (but, then, I was not in motel room, so I don't know if he wore a costume). Looks like Pastor Ted likes 'em clean and nubile as well. Turns out he sampled the forbidden sinful pleasures of a "20-year-old volunteer at his megachurch". Varying sources contradict each other on whether said sampling was invited or consensual. That poor young soul was kept quiet with a sprinkling of green for college tuition, costs of counseling and costs of moving (...on to a New Life?). Do we need to ask if that came from the collection plate?

America's poet-politician, Rod "bla-bla-bla" Blagojevich is as much of a boy scout as his haircut would suggest. Apparently he would never, ever, ever use foul language.... if there was anyone (besides his wife) listening. Honest!
And he kisses his mother with that mouth?

I'm taking bets on how long it will take Larry King to get annoyed with Blago. Set your TiVos kids, Larry's "Bitch, please" face is priceless.

Today's WotDePhuck

Caroline Kennedy - Is she a postmenopausal woman with political aspirations or a virginal debutante breathless at her first sight of man meat? Does she want it or doesn't she? In neurotic virgin fashion, she decides she doesn't? I don't buy it.

Joe Biden - Is it ADD, early Alzheimer's or senioritis? The guy can't seem to find the gravitas befitting a veep. But judging by the long face today, Obama must have taken him to the woodshed yesterday. Not sure how long he'll keep rolling over for a sleeker looking, but smaller alpha-dog.

Barack Obama - A smidge hypocritical to make exceptions to one's newly trumpeted ethics code. Clarification: no lobbyists in the administration from now on (after William Lynn changes out of his Raytheon tie) and full transparency and disclosure from now on (after we get no-taxes Geithner through House approval). The rose is wilting.

Hack!

This is my emotional dumping ground. Welcome. Mind your step.
Here I will bitch, rant, whine, attack and slander at will. Deal with it.